A Short Love Story

I got up fashionably late today, befitting a lazy Sunday in the very beginning of Holidays. It was a nice afternoon, warm and pleasant. Ah, if only I had a boyfriend to tell that to! I fancied a quick dramatic scene of how I would have complained to a boyfriend what glorious day it was today and how it deserved to be well spent; how I would have nagged to take me to a movie or a fancy restaurant. He would have grimaced at first I imagined and then I would have put on my best big-eyed-innocent-little-girl-face, maybe I would have shed a tear or two suitably to seal the final plan of a movie and a dinner. Tearing away from the wonderful fantasy I pulled myself up from the bed and started to get dressed for the day.

I am almost alone now at HEC campus, most of my friends have left for their homes but I have decided to stay back in Paris. Having a full half Sunday to spend, I started making a mental note of things I could do today as I was getting ready. And then suddenly, I remembered of ‘that place’. I had researched well about ‘that place’ over the internet about a month back and today seemed a perfect time to try it. I got so excited that I applied an extra finish of mascara, fixed my hair in my favorite high pony-tail, put on a fancifully cut dress and my winter coat and I was already locking my door shut.

HEC campus is a bit far off from the main-town Paris; it takes almost an hour to get to its more glamorous spots. Well to give you an early lead Mr. Reader, in truth I longed to get a date. Of all places Paris is the worst place to be single in! For it is just ever so romantic, every so wonderful, and the French have kept the city so singularly stunning that you find yourself wishing for a lover to share it with; Paris is just too much of happiness to behold all by yourself! Well ‘this place’ was apparently a very popular ‘pick-up place’, you could find yourself just any kind of companion you wanted on a day. Sitting on the metro train, I started contemplating my mood and how I would want my ‘date’ to be (let’s call my date as D for convenience); Humorous? Philosophical? Mysterious? Bold? Foreign? Older? Slim? Oh I just couldn’t decide, not without seeing them first anyways. I knew that I would instinctively know that I had found the perfect match when I would come across my D.

I got off the metro at the right station and pored over my iPhone maps for the exact direction. Some French Rue de La blah blah blah it said, damn these French names, so hard to say, it gets even awkward to ask for directions without making a fool out of yourself. After going round in circles and finally realizing that I was passing over the same pubs, I pulled myself together and did the brave thing- ask for help! Turned out that ‘the place’ was just over two blocks from where I was standing! Feeling stupid yet grateful I quickly made towards it! And there it was! Finally! After months of contemplating, here I was! Like all other places in Paris this one was exquisite too! I thoroughly congratulated myself of having decided to pay it a visit on this wonderful Sunday!

As I pushed open the door, I found myself staring at the most generously splendid place ever! The place itself was done in a classic style, many paintings adorned the walls. There was also a piano on the first floor. It was crowded too. But none of it I caught at my first sight; at first sight I was sinking in the sight of gloriously beautiful companions I could choose from. They were so many of them, and thank God finally they were all English! No more damned French with their tongue twisting French names and incomprehensible French talks. Finally, I felt like I was home!  I started moving around lustily, it was speed dating. Snap judgments and a quick 5 minutes later, I was moving over to a next one. Round and round I went about for almost an hour and half. You see, as I had started quite late this day, time was running out fast. As they say 23^rd time is a charm, and just as I had made the premonition before, I knew that I had at long last, found my D!

As I was leaving ‘the place’ with my D, it began to rain! How romantic, I mused to myself and decided that there could be no better time for a quick dash at a nearby café. The café was cozy too and I went in with my D. There was a good music playing in the background, such perfect settings! The food was nice too, and D and I had clicked already! D was charming, aren’t they all in the beginnings? D was an old soul and I guessed that half the world must have had fallen for him already, and yet here I was treasuring D already, completely oblivious to anyone else. We lingered in the café for almost an hour past the dinner; it was just so thrilling to rest my hands around D. The romance continued in the metro, on the way back to my room. I had eyes for no one but D; D was simply enchanting!

Holding D in my hands I opened the door to my room. D waited for me on the chair. I was so happy, ah I cannot tell Mr. Reader, how much! I put on my favorite playlist to add to the mood and quickly changed. And then I was ready, ready for my D, ready to uncover some exciting secrets. I wasted no time to move to the bed. I knew there was nothing else I wanted in that moment but my D. The initial romance had already been setup, the preliminary introductions already done; the main course was now underway. Layer by layer I began to bare all that D had to offer. D was now filling me in with the most inexplicably relishing thrills. The more I tried to take control the more intriguing D turned; there was no telling what D would do next. I was thoroughly enthralled and D was now ruling all of my senses. Time slipped fast and I never gathered by how much. D was playful and made me giggle every now and then. D showed me joys like I had never felt before, it was almost a torture to go on like this, and the excitement was too much to hold in longer. And then quite suddenly D climaxed into the end. What followed was the single most peaceful bliss, such calming content; I could listen to my quivering poor heart. It felt like coming back to reality from a different world, slowly consolidating the memories to be locked away in the heart forever and ever to relish.

Allow me to lift the veil off my D for you Mr. Reader- D was a book, ‘Uncle Fred in the Springtime by P.G. Wodehouse’ that I ‘picked up’ today, from an apparently popular ‘fully English’ bookstore in Paris- Shakespeare and Company! :D

Pray tell me

Did you feel it too, my Love,

The galloping of a little poor heart?

Its joyous thumping when you laugh,

Or it choking pang as you part?

Does your world twinkle too, my Dear,

From that sweetest day you held my hand in yours?

Does love brew you magic so queer,

That you know no charm, no man got any cures?

Does your daylight burst into a thrilling rainbow?

Does the night fetch you a tingling mirth?

Do the winds sing you sonnets as you drink on moon’s halo?

Has your soul stirred like your life has witnessed a re-birth?

For your love cruises such passion in my blood

My fears, tears lay nipped in the bud,

Pray tell me my Love, my Angel divine,

If I rule your heartland, as you rule mine?

Being wuman

Being a woman is beautiful, endearing even almost exquisite. It symbolizes grace, style, love, vanity, tolerance, innocence, subtlety, weakness and strength all at the same time. Are we better than men? Yes, no, may be, depends. But we are different, for sure. Centuries of history have shaped these differences. The times were almost always never by our side, we were debased, molested, ridiculed, used, objectified and also yet pampered, protected and celebrated by the men. They even fought battles over us. Well, they owned us, loved us and disposed us off at their whims! The times are better now, countless noble men and women having fought for us.

These are some interesting times now to be a woman. Our hopes are soaring, our dreams are turning real, and our freedom is growing. It is still a man’s world though I guess, but we now have many paths at our disposal to make our way through it. Being a woman today is being a part of a legacy, like we were bestowed with a prestigious inheritance and it is upon us now to carry on the journey. This journey demands inspired heroines and in this blog, I am going to tell you of my favorite heroines who most inspire an inspiration to me!

(Not particularly arranged by rank)

#1 Queen Elizabeth I: The regal Queen, the woman who inspired a nation, famed for as much her beauty as her intelligence, a political genius, oh what goodness did she have not? Everyone believed it was impossible for a woman to rule England without taking a husband or without producing male heirs, but she proved them all wrong! Daughter of another feminist heroine Anne Boleyn and King Henry 8, she was indeed a child of her parents, as much a beautiful Queen as Anne and as much a glorious King as Henry! She is an epitome of female success and shall always remain an endearing beacon of hope to all the womenfolk.

#2 Serena Williams: Another Queen of another province! Her confidence, stamina, grit is unnerving. True, the current women’s tennis is not as interesting as the men’s and most female players have a far more erratic performance than their male counterparts, but so what? Serena is wonderful and that's that!

#3 Sidney Sheldon heroines: God they are so strong! They are smart and bold, passionate and glamorous. They fight their fates, they survive their fates, they even turn their fates and they outlive their enemies. They achieve fame and they take losses in their stride, oh well they are all just so super cool!

# 4 Hermione Granger: Of course her! Why, she inspired me all my growing up years after all. Secretly I always imagined myself as Hermoine (haven’t met a girl who didn’t!). She is the perfect student, perfect best friend, perfect girlfriend and also manages to marry her man and have kids with him. She is brave, just, humble and is basically almost always right! She is the alpha woman who has it all! If only the muggle world could make more Hermoines!

These are all just some sample examples and all celebrities- there are countless women who inspire me everyday, who are around me and are part of my life. My friends and peers, I have been lucky to meet some extra ordinary ladies! There's hope for the future, aint' there, Mr Reader? :)

A 50-50 Life

How do you live your life when half the things happening to you are not in your control? Must you still dream, believe and plan or should you rather resort to indifference? What is growing up after all? I guess it is learning to survive Life, irrespective of what happens to you and what you make happen.

Must you give up on the quest for Mr/ Miss Right because of a string of terrible partners? Must you ridicule Disney World and slam it off as a mere childhood fantasy?  Must you lower your ambitions in the face of a continued onslaught of failures? Must you refuse to rest any faith anymore in the goodness in the world?

I don’t believe in leading a sad life, I cry so much when something big goes wrong that I soon get fed up of my own tears and quickly move on; quickly move on remending my mistakes, amending plans and lusting for a new aim, a different aim, a higher aim or a more challenging path to get the same thing just gone wrong. I have wasted a good amount of my life mourning losses and by now, well I no more tolerate the mourning period. You choose your aim, take an aim and then you shoot! If it doesn’t hit the target, well you shoot again, if you don’t hit it after 5 more tries you change your bows and shoot again. Some fine day, Life takes mercy on you and your arrow hits the bull’s eye! There are no failures on the roadway to success; every failure is a success in knowing what not to do. If everything else fails, you at least succeed in growing up.

Can I give you a quick tip, Mr. Reader? Learn to love yourself! Be there for yourself through all your thicks and thins. Understand that Life is a 50-50 partnership between you and God. Yearn to give the whole of your half, and learn to graciously accept whatever comes from the other half. Sometimes the other half is predatory and takes away more than you gave, leaving you miserable. Sometimes it is so overwhelmingly positive that it covers up for all of your sluggishness. To quantize it, both your and destiny’s efforts can range from (-∞, +∞). If you ensure your side is always a + ∞, you always know the downside can never be net negative. Well, don’t go into the mathematics of Limits though; I know it’s a rather crude analogy! Is there a logic to Destiny’s number? Is there a probability distribution it follows? But I know for sure that it is the same shape for every one of us, but just that the observed value is different for everyone in a particular event and hence the different conceived share of luck. Also, you must realize that your half and Destiny’s half are not independent variables. I guess you can as much as affect the parameters of the probability distribution of Destiny’s half!

 But the point is, learn to go easy on yourself. Even how much you will want to contribute, how hard you shall work is also ultimately controlled by the will of God. We are all here to serve some purpose in the big world, a piece of a giant jig saw puzzle that God toys with. Don’t smirk on your efforts or feel bad about the lack of them. It’s okay, let it be, you are a mere insignificant instrument in the hands of God. Just love yourself, like Karina Kapoor says in Jab We Met “Mein apni favorite hu!”  

Also, lastly, live your life! Don’t lose emotions, it would be as terrible as losing your soul, like being kissed by a Dementor! Don’t lose hopes in the dreams you hold dear. Weep if you must. Laugh if you can. You are a human, you were born out of love, you deserve to be loved. Give your best to the world, be kind and forgiving. I am sure the mean of the distribution of what the world throws back at you is a net positive number!

Paris Diaries

I am so overwhelmed, Mr. Reader! It’s just so beautiful here at HEC! And it’s so quiet, so quiet indeed! The campus is far away from the mainland Paris and has got such dense woods and such large fields around, complete with a lake. I chose HEC primarily because it has its own campus (and ofcourse the ranking), and I must say the campus has come true to my every expectation; it was love- at-first-sight with my room, the classrooms and even the mess-cafeteria!  Ofcourse the food is horrible though; well if you can even call it food in the first place! Plus, I am a vegetarian, so I am reduced to just choosing between salads and fruits. Blimey! I am a vegetarian, not a cow!

There are some Indians around and we hang out together all the time. I have also met so many more people from so many different places on the globe. We have such an eclectic mix of backgrounds in the class- there are law undergrads and finance bachelors, Egyptians and Americans, traders and investment bankers. Suddenly I have become so conscious about my heritage and  also so consciously proud of it; I am loving the Bollywood songs almost fiercely here, like I were trying to desperately hold on to a shred of connection with my upbringing.

I am so nervous, Mr. Reader. Nothing in my life has prepared me for my life here. It’s very competitive but excelling in academics is no longer adequate. You have to “network” and pretend to be calm and relaxed when talking to burly 6 feet 5 inch European men, like all your life that’s all what you have been doing. People talk about politics and tax rates; when I say I am from India they discuss the falling Indian rupee with me (that ofcourse has never been my opening lines with friends ever before, never even the subject matter really!)

I can go on and on- the co-ed hostels, the drinking parties, the short skirts. That’s not exactly scary but just so new for me. I wear skirts too and I absolutely love to put them on- so that’s one good thing about Paris, I feel so free, it’s so liberating! I wish India bettered it’s sorry state for the women. I don’t drink and sometimes I panic with the liberal amount of drinking endorsed here.

The French are so polite and use oh-so-much French! Even my bank account documents are all in French! Did I tell you Mr. Reader that I had tried taking a French course in Aurangabad for last two months? Well, I realise now I don’t understand one word of this French version of French and I feel completely lost in this regard as well.

One adjective if I have to give to everything- exciting! Well Mr. Reader au revoir for now. Time for a skype call to mom! 

Little Things

Life is a cluster of tiny moments. The biggest of the things are often about the smallest of the joys and the vice-versa. Sitting back at home I thought would be merely an endless wait, but as it turned out it’s being rather good so far. Endless leisure, self-reflection and a laid back lifestyle are agreeing well with me. Here’s a list of a few little things I discovered that can make an ordinary day a delight.

#1 A bowl of hot soup or a cup of hot chocolate in one hand and a good book in the other. I absolutely love reading Mr. Reader! I feel it’s an experience we must savour. I love reading the books slowly, taking a pause between the lines like it were a juicy fruit that just left a lingering delicious taste in the mouth. I love to complement reading with the cosiest settings, a hot snack, comfortable chairs, cafes or light background music. It feels good to revel in the delight of multiple senses like you were escaping the real world.

#2 A car drive (no I don’t drive, I love it at the back seat) the wind whipping your face and good music in your ears. The long drive, a short drive I absolutely love them all! Ah and music is a must! And I really prefer headphones over speakers; it makes the experience so much more intense and personal. I like to feel the time slipping by, like I were really journeying my life, makes me feel it moving forward.

#3 Watching my 1 year old nephew smile. He is so tiny! So small so cute! How can anyone be so small and so cute? I love to lift him up in my arms and squeeze him so tight and kiss him all over his face! And when I whirl him up in circles he giggles ever so loud! Watching him every day, learning his new baby tricks makes me reflect on life and its literal ‘small’ joys! He really is the soft little adorable bundle of joy back home! Here’s a little clip of his first attempts at walking :-)

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

It’s always good talking to you Mr. Reader! Especially now that I have hardly anyone to blabber to (how I miss you, insti!) You see I am enjoying my last few days home (you could say months but I am going to pretend not to hear it); I have got admit from HEC Paris for their Masters in International Finance Program! My class commences in September and meanwhile life’s left me to indulge in some (well-deserved?) unlimited leisure. Now, HEC comes with its own campus, hostels and restaurants and hence the cooking lessons have been indefinitely postponed by me. Good as I am at doing nothing (ok that’s different from good-for-nothing!), I am hardly upto anything these days. That’s if you agree that spending endless hours on TV, reading novels, watching movies and laptop-ing amounts to no work!

I have never been out of India. Plus if you know me, I am hardly a brave heart. Even a cockroach can scare the hell out of me and a 5^th grade boy could get the better of me. On the face of it, I am quite hopeless. But look again Mr. Reader I have aged a lot more last four years (almost an exponential curve if you ask me). Particularly my last semester brought about an uprooting mental upheaval. Nothing had turned out as I had hoped for. I went through a frustrating break-up. The idea to apply for MS – finance courses had caught my attention by then. And you won’t believe Mr. Reader just about how many twists came as each of my admit results came one by one. It felt like Life were unravelling an intense thriller, a world of so different possibilities opened with each one. My results came in almost an ascending order, the final one was the most awaited and the most promising. To give you a quick snapshot, the deadline to accept IE Business School was 25^th of May and my HEC Paris results came on May 24^th! If my life were a story book you would have hanged on until the very last word of this apping chapter! I guess it deserves a separate blog post of its own. Anyways, the point is a hundred emotions danced in my little poor heart last semester and a thousand of them in the whole four years of my IIT.

I have learnt some hard- earned lessons, most prominently how weak man is to the will of God. I have seen my life smouldered to dust, dreams shattered to crumbs and it all seemed so unreasonable, it just did not make any sense. And then quite unexpectedly out-of-the blue I saw my life resurrected beyond my wildest imaginations! Oh dear Mr. Reader what can I say it felt so surreal, like my life were a movie unreeled. After all my hopes dashed, all that I had hoped for was lost, I got success I had never quite believed I was capable of winning.  Yes, I am talking of HEC! It is ranked first world- wide in MS Finance courses. I am a seven pointer. Well I believe my profile had its own perks. Actually I had hoped to sail comfortably in the placement market. But life caught me unawares, it hit me so sudden, so hard, I fell head down on the floor! 17 interviews I rambled on desperate for a job but luck did not strike until 6^th of December 2012! Bless you Holy Mother of Lord! The sheer huge overwhelming relief! But the job wasn’t getting me excited. For sheer heck of it I thought of apping. Where? Amsterdam ofcourse!By then I truly thought I had no better chances than this new unranked private school (the school had its own pros and cons but let me not bore you into the details). It left me speechless when more results followed and I made it to some really good schools. Some even offered me funding. And then of course finally HEC happened too. It was the very same profile, Mr. Reader, the very same resume and yet Life painted two contrasting pictures for me.

At the end of the day I felt Life had dragged me to the destiny, fate had chosen for me. Like it were all meant to happen. I had thought my heart would give away, throbbing with so much heart- ache. But amazingly I discovered that it didn’t, that I was capable of living even after the one who had become my life was gone. . I still miss him, oh yes I do I do but I have learnt to swallow the bitter tears.  All my pride and shame has vanquished away. I have learnt perseverance. A hope still shines in my eyes but I won’t crumble again to dust even if  my dreams did and Life threw me down deeper dirt next time.  For you see, I would be a big girl now. A girl still you can bet, but a big girl I do!

Happy Birthday Mom!

None loves me as you

To none I owe as to you!

Not one strives to make my day

None adorns me your way!

Your love unravels the face of God!

Your heart hums the sweetest ballad

You are the prettiest Queen of the mortal land!

You are the best mother this world has had!

A mere lump of flesh

Yet you nurtured me dear!

Your selfless love

I may never repay, I fear!

A thousand miles away shall I drift,

You are the only one who shall bear no rift!

For your love is my beacon, my guiding star

From your heart, my heart can never be far!

A thousand suns may you outlive

The gloriest summers may your life weave!

The most blessed may you be in all kingdoms seven

For aint you the very God descended from Heaven?

Lehman Sisters

Today the financial industry is popularly stereotyped to be masculine in nature – aggressively risk taking, fiercely competitive, motivated by self-interest and seeking short term profits.  It has made it only more natural to think that men ought to be hired to fill the positions of such a masculine industry. Women on the other hand are identified as the weaker sex being assumed as lesser competitive and lesser committed to their careers.

It is being speculated that the financial crisis arose by permitting young males to behave in an unregulated way. After the fall of Lehman Brothers, a popular question was being asked - ‘What if it had been Lehman Sisters?’ I feel that this question should be analysed through the two contrasting point of views- ‘men and women are different’ and ‘men and women are equal’.

On the onset though I would like to raise a few questions- do personal behavioural traits of the individual employees affect the overall financial industry in the first place? Towards this I feel a strong affirmative. I feel that success of financial industry is marked by the combined balance of economics, mathematics and behavioural finance. On a trading floor for example the human instincts play as pivotal role as the statistical calculations. Next, is it justified to analyse the topic in question through stereotypes? Over a large population, often when trends begin to be observed, although it is okay to analyse through the stereotypical averages it is still dangerous to suggest that an individual will have the traits of its group. So even if we were to conclude a definitive answer to our question through this approach, we still need to understand that we would be limited by the huge intra-sex variability.

Men and women are different

Having said that, I would now like to discuss the differences in the traits associated with men and women. As mentioned above, men are seen as risk taking, self-centred, competitive and impersonal. Conversely (and relatively benevolently), women are seen as risk-averse, protective, altruistic and warm. Women have also been observed to be more consistent long term investors. To a large extent men and women are hard-wired differently though evolutionary and cultural influences. It is tempting to picture that if there were to be more women in finance, it would lead to a gentler and more stable financial industry.

There are several studies that support this claim. In a 2009 article in Business Week it noted that according to the research, from January 2000 through May 31, 2009, hedge funds run by women delivered nearly double the investment performance of those managed by men. Furthermore, in 2008, during the height if the financial crisis, on an average, funds run by women were down 9.6 percent versus a a 19 percent decline in those run by men. Audur Capital, an Icelandic private equity fund wholly managed by women, is the only such fund to have made it through the crisis without a hitch. On the other hand of the spectrum, microfinance institutions (MFI) majorly turn to women to promote micro-lending. Women are assumed to use the money to advance projects while the MFIs are typically wary of what men might do with the money.

For benefiting from a large women workforce though, we would need a more supportive social environment. An industry demanding long working hours is practically a man’s world. It is ironic that in order for woman to be successful in finance today, she has to dwindle down the very qualities that mark her as feminine. Her emotional sensitivity, nurturing instincts and desire to spend more time with children and family are the very reason that is keeping her down on the Wall Street. So, to sustain a strong female workforce it is imperative to promote more women-friendly schemes like on-site company sponsored child care.

Men and women are equal

On the other side of the coin, I personally feel that innately men and women are equal and that the sex differences are widely exaggerated. Even though both set of genders may express their reactions to a situation differently, each of us is characterised by a common pool of emotions. For example, after a stressful call on the trading desk, a man may throw off the phone while a woman may resort to tearful sobs; but I feel that the inherent lust for power or the sense of responsibility are equally strong in both. Also as far as the quantitative skills are concerned both genders are equally matched. It is wrong to assume that women are only good for cleaning up the financial mess during a crisis and that men are excusable to create one.  

To conclude, the topic at hand poses a broad number of questions and to answer them we have to hypothesise a number of stereotypical assumptions. In my opinion it is unfair to quantitatively authenticate the loose qualitative popular images. But, still if we were to assume that the Wall Street were to look at both men and women as equivalent participants, certain characteristics commonly stereotyped as feminine (such as carefulness) would be encouraged industry-wide, and inappropriate male-locker-room and cowboy-type behaviours frowned upon, to the benefit of the industry and society.

Bucket- List

I came to IIT as a starry-eyed kid. I would be leaving it with an even bigger to-do list. I love day-dreaming Mr. Reader; hands down my favourite hobby! And when you dream, you got to dream the biggest, the absolute best. You got to escape to a personal paradise and mentally search the earthly means that might transport you there. There, that then is your dream. Then you got to dream it over and over again until you believe with all your heart that your paradise awaits you just a goal away.

This blog is also one of the passing-out specials in a way. I guess a few years down the line I would like to come back to this blog and chuckle. Mr. Reader, I am going to recite to you my to-do list of life.

To start with, I am still not sure of my immediate plans, but I think I would have them figured out by May end. So, I am going to drop the short term wish-list and go on to a long-term one. That is the more fun one, anyways!

#1: Before I joined IIT, I used to say I am going to study so much in life that when people write down my qualifications, it would fill a paragraph! No wonder I didn’t mind EP at first! Cut to the present, all I plan to do is a good MBA. A great MBA, oh okay a Harvard MBA (It is phonetically closest to Hogwarts!). A MS in Finance also looks lined up on the cards.

#2: Write a novel before 2025.

#3: How I would love to make it big on the Wall Street. You know Mr. Reader, I romanticised every word Mr. I-wish-was-Right ever said to me; 75 % of the time he spoke of finance. What can I say, he had a Midas Speech about him. Every word he spoke turned gold for me. I just got drawn down to finance you know.

#4: When I start earning, I want to buy clothes exclusively from Marks and Spenser; power clothing, simple yet elegant. I am not so specific about the shoes and the accessories.

#5: I am also not specific about a dream home, except that it has to be 50 shades of pink! And if I have girls, I would build a wardrobe full of barbies!

#6: I have always nurtured a little entrepreneurial spirit in me. My favourite shops are Aromas and Crosswords. Putting two and two together, I would love to run a franchise of Aromas and Crosswords. Actually, Crosswords I feel is, well, you know, too sterile! In my tastes, a bookshop has to be much cosier. Have you watched Beauty and the Beast or You Have Got Mail, Mr. Reader? A bookstore has to be like the royal library from Beauty and the Beast or Meg Ryan’s bookshop in the latter! May be I will mix the shops in a combo, that seems to be a popular fashion these days.

Well actually, if it has to be something entrepreneurial and dreamy, then I would go with my own Hedge Fund! (And come to IIT Bombay for recruitment! Ha! That would be fun! )

#7: Watch Federer play! Watch a Wimbeldon Final and an Olympics 100 meter race. Catch a concert of Adele. (They are all some sort of live shows)

#8: Take cooking and spa classes (short-term goal) and find a way to monetize the hobbies (long-term).

#9: I have never been much of a social work enthusiast and I guess my accumulated guilt would only be growing larger with time. So, I plan to turn a philanthropist eventually. I would love to do some charity work in life.

#10:  Find a Mr. Right who would love to be a part of my wish-list :-) 

Senti

Shit! I don’t want to go! Shit! I just want to run away! How can one place steer so many emotions in you? How do I even attempt to sit down and reminisce about IIT?  How is IIT suddenly on the verge of dissolving into past? Wasn’t it supposed to be forever? Wasn’t it supposed to be where I lived? Wasn’t it supposed to be my home?

For good or for worse, one thing is certain- IIT changed me. I came here as a naive girl (even by the standards of a freshie), I gained (weight?) and lost (hair tresses?), laughed and cried, spent a chunk of space-time of my life, and now suddenly I am about to leave. I may not have attended half the lectures at IIT that I was supposed to, but it seems that IIT has none the less been successful in teaching me some valuable wisdom after all.

I still haven’t decided where I will be going from here on, probably somewhere far-off, into the unknown (Europe; that’s how much I have figured out yet). If you know me, you would probably understand just how much of a joke it seems- me alone, out of India, in a random European nation, into the corporate world of finance (I don’t drink, I am a vegetarian, I can’t even cook, I am extremely lazy by all standards, extremely unadventurous and coward by all standards, the perennial damsel in distress, oh come on- I am me!). How can all this be happening to me?  If ever there was anything as going out of your comfort zone, it couldn’t get bigger than this! The enormity of the upcoming future strikes a ringing fear and excitement in my heart!

On reflecting, all I can do is laugh, laugh on each time that I have laughed or cried. Everything that seemed so important once looks incredibly silly now. In my sophie year, I cried in Malhar, for they wouldn’t let me participate because I had lost my I-card. Fuck! And I had cried! In Xaviers! In front of like 20 people! Oh man! I had jumped in joy when I was made the editor for department blog! Even big days like placements and break up somehow look like a sarcastic joke of Destiny. And you know a good one- even as I am writing it, I am still getting frenzied over the upcoming endsem on Monday! Life is funny, Mr. Reader! Everything comes to a pass. Don’t take life too seriously, for the Divine Ruler of Life has some impossible sense of humour.

I can’t do senti people-wise, for there are uncountable many who have touched my life. Probably we haven’t even spoken, but I have learnt a thing or two just by learning about you. And then there are some of you who have impacted me so deeply, that no words could do justice to the feelings I have for you. All of you, people, take care okay? Each one of you is a rock star in your own right! And thanks, big time, big big time! And don’t you forget to miss me, okay? I may not be leaving behind any mark of mine at IIT, but IIT has sure sealed a big royal stamp on my life. 

Easy There, Green Soldier!

I have never much appreciated the pro - nature lobbyists. I have always found them fake, their followers fake and their propagandas fake too. What do you want to save so dearly anyways? Animals? Trees? Rivers? Seas? ‘Mother’-Nature?

Do you really think ‘Nature’ is some motherly God? Well, I don’t! For all I know it was the very  same ‘Mother’ Earth who was once nothing but a hot ball of dust spitting venomous gasses out if its pits, who never even knew a water molecule let alone the rains. Once it was nothing more than the billions of other lifeless planets like it. It is not the propaganda of Nature to sustain and build life! If it was then we wouldn’t be the only life-forms, on a planet, less than the size of a dust speck on the scale of the universe.

And what evil could the Human Species evoke in the Universe anyways? Provoke a global warming that melts the glaciers? Well, they have melted and refrozen a number of times before. Extinct a few endangered species? Dont you know how countlessly many species have died out in the course of evolution anyways? Do a nuclear war? Well, there are billions of a billion nuclear reactions happening every second in the Universe!

The point I am trying to make is that Humans are too inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Our planet is going to die someday; I won’t say it would be a nice thing, but only that the apocalypse is a surety anyways.

I can still understand the concern behind developing a sustainable progress because well it affects us and our future descendents directly. Striving for ground water-harvesting or fuel efficient cars is alright I guess. But let us not mock each other for building towering concrete jungles, mighty industries or bringing about a global warming. Also definitely appreciable would be people not raising a bandwagon against Diwali crackers or Ganesha Murtis! For, if hedonism is not the ultimate goal of the ‘made in Nature’, ‘selfish genes’ then I don’t know what is!

Moving On

Have you experienced a loss, Mr. Reader? Have you felt the heaviness of an empty heart? Have you fought your destiny hard only to realize how powerless you are? Have you picked the bruised pieces of your heart and tried to pull yourself together? If you have, Mr. Reader, then this poem is for you.                                                                               

Carefree I wander,

Like a fleck of mist.

Like the aroma of lavender,

On the winds I drift.

One by one I have shred,

My ties to the undead.

Turn by turn I have severed,

The strings with my endeared.

Soft my heart has bled,

Tears a countless hundred.

Until grief too forsook!

And with silence my heart shook!

Serene peace settled,

On my mind long rattled;

Like the quiet after the storm.

Like a dream without a form.

To the zenith

I ready my wings

I soar above

The earthly reigns!

Like a fleck of mist

Carefree I wander!

On the winds I drift

Like the aroma of lavender!

Reading between the magical lines

After a sad or a stressed out day, I often resort to a select few ways to unwind: watching a random episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S (a full season to recover from a particularly bad bout), a quick shopping trip, a long shopping trip, a coffee at Aromas or reading a chapter from the Harry Potter books! I have been a devote Harry Potter fan since almost 10 years now. I must have watched its movies so many times that I am sure that if you may mute it, I could say aloud the whole of its dialogues! Many of us, I know, have been held similarly spellbound by J.K.Rowling’s spells. Today I wish to tell you though of some amazing realizations that have struck me, reflecting over these amazing books:

#1: We are never truly alone: I remember I was reading the graveyard scene of the GoF climax; Harry takes a short respite behind a marble stone in his duel with Voldermort and feels like the end has come.  I realised how lonely Harry feels..and then it struck me- so profoundly- I still remember the philosophical gratification from the thought...’he is not alone! He can never be alone! Rowling is with him! She is guiding his every move.’ Extending the analogy I thought of how God must be with us the same way, writing our destinies. Just as J.K. is always with each and every character of the book at each and every moment so must there be someone with each and every one of us even at the seemingly loneliest times. This enlightening thought still reassures me on the worst of my days.

#2: Boy-girl friendships are often misunderstood: (This realization has come to me often even otherwise) but I guess the first time was in Order of Phoenix; Harry and Cho go out on a date on Valentine’s Day and Harry also has to meet Hermione there and Cho gets very upset about it. Even Ron doubts their relationship! But it is after all not so hard to believe, as Ron and Hermione did indeed tranceed their friendship into love. And yet Harry and Hermione’s friendship remained so pure and truthful till the end. So the bottom line I learnt was that it is not rare that one may find a soulmate in our best friend but it is also equally possible to find the dearest of an endearing friendship between a girl and a guy.

#3: Everything happens for a reason: I guess the climax of each of the seven parts most resoundingly shouts this thought in your brain! Thats what every good book must!.. But I guess this feeling was strongest on reading the disastrous decision of Harry and Hermoine to visit the Godric’s Hollow in HP7. Even the tragedies happen only for the ultimate good. I always have forced myself to remember this truth everytime life has seemed harsh!...everything happens for a reason, not one word of that damn series is a waste of ink! If it’s not a happy ending then it’s not the end yet! All good and bad things happen for a reason (and a good one at that).

#4: It is okay to not know all the ‘hows’: HP 7- when Ron openly revolts against Harry for being miserably out of answers on their plans. And yet it all unravels slowly, there shines a way, just as it always does. You dont have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

#5: Even a heartless villain loves his alma mater: Where else could the last unfound Horcrux be found?..Ofcourse in the Hogwarts! The only thing (living or otherwise) that mellowed even a soul less man’s heart!.. Oh dear Mr. Reader! I am so so going to miss my IIT soon!

We all know these truths, but it is quite another pleasure when they swoop down on you on their own; more so, at a very young and an impressionable age. Ofcourse there is so much more we all have learnt from HP; the good guy beats the bad guy (moral of the story), love conquers all, impossibly bad days pass, to overcome our fears, to believe in a happy ending and ofcourse how to find a little magic in this muggle world of ours (by reading Harry Potter!)

                                                                                                                                                                

Hello Again!

Welcome back, dear Mr. Reader! What a long time it has been! There is just so much, so much that I wish to just blurt out. Last few months have been, well intense. So much unfolded in my life and at such bewildering pace, oh you must excuse me for missing out on catching up with you.

There is always a doubt on how much personal I can go on a publicly personal blog! So, I decided to disguise my stories in a poem. Well, the one here probably suggests nothing more than that there is a lot to tell, but what can I say? After such a long gap, probably the first thing I wish to tell you is just right that- there is just so much to tell! So much has changed and yet so much more has lined up for the same.

Oh Lord of Time,

To your Might I bow;

How curiously you changed,

All I know!

You are heartless,

Yet kind!

Or are you excruciatingly

Blind?

Doubts you breed

(In me)

Yet all my hopes

Hatch in Thee!

Yet still I dream again,

Knowing it may be in vain!

And pray You, I but the same,

Make not my life, but a game!