Finally the storms have calmed down Mr. Reader, at least for
now. It is an immense relief to not be unemployed anymore. I have moved back to
India, to my ever favorite Aamchi Mumbai.
I have also reunited with my ex.
Life, though, continues to be as challenging as ever. I
think life is like Kaun Banega Crorepati,
as time goes by you win some benchmark rewards, get assured of some minimum
takeaway success, but to win more you must face tougher problems. Sure I am not
jobless now, but it means I must slog every single weekday (at least). Sure I
have my boyfriend back, but it also means taking care of one more person’s
happiness apart from mine. What is humbling amidst this self-centered race for survival
is to realize how almost everyone must face the very same trials and tribunals
of life. We are all humans, divided by geographies and cultures, but united by
the common shitty survival-of-the-fittest contest.
Isn’t it amazing that we can read and comprehend almost
every single novel ever written? I think books are particularly amazing because
of this regard- they can place us in the shoes of anyone and everyone-from
wizards to sociopaths. And we can relate, we can replicate and imagine all
kinds of emotions of just about any character. I think that is because each one
of us is a little bit of everyone of us. We all glide through similar maze of
feelings everyday – desire, determination, doubt, faith, lack of faith, shame,
intellection, fear – like sailors over the same sea.
Sometimes I wonder if it is really possible for anyone to
desire anything beyond love, family and wealth. Instantly I argue to myself;
knowledge. Yes, knowledge is our only hope, our only means to achieve the three
fold desires of the heart. Sometimes knowledge supersedes its role as a means
and becomes an end goal in itself. Maybe that is the beauty of the human mind-
its desire for knowledge, its quest for philosophy. Every generation has asked
the same questions, the same fundamental hows and whys about the physical reality.
Sometimes it worries me endlessly: what
is the nature of this universe, is there a Master Creator, what is the nature
of time, what is the nature of mind, what is perception and so on. I think our
day to day struggles are very interesting, for although they consume us, they
are so intriguing that you cannot help but realize that there is something amiss;
that there is bound to be a bigger conspiracy, a bigger reality and that our
minds are constantly being fooled all the time. Evolution is also very
interesting. Our mind is equipped to sail us safely over our daily seas of
emotions, our perception is adapted to focus and comprehend only those things
that ensure the survival of our specie.
Another thing that fascinates me is- courtesy and manners,
the social dictates. Whoever designed our societies were geniuses. To lay down
the fabrics and rules of society is sheer amazing. Albeit we all shift the
rules around as per our convenience, I don’t think we have shaken the
foundations much ever. Get born, growup, learn, become an adult, contribute to
the society, care for elders, seek love, reproduce, nourish the young ones, be
taken care of and finally bid farewell to the world. Each milestone of life has
its own challenges; I don’t know how we all retain our sanities even midway
through. Perhaps the ingenuity of courtesy! European Medieval History is another
one of my obsessions. I think life in those times was obviously much more
challenging (how did people ever survive without internet for instance). But
Mr. Reader, don’t you delight in English courtesies? Gentle manners, respectful
words, symbolic gestures, formalities, I think they are all like the skin on
our bodies. Without it we would be shockingly ugly albeit fully functional people.
Social manners help us control our minds, like leashing our inner demons.
Love unleashes. Being together with one singular person,
emotionally if not necessarily physically all the time, slowly cuts through the
chains of courtesies. I think I act completely uncivil with my boyfriend. All formalities
break down and melt into a singular cauldron of gigantic human emotions. Is
love meant to be comforting? I think I hurt him all the time. I don’t think I
am much ever rude to anyone else; it is a singular privilege of my Prince
Charming.
And then I ask myself- am I happy? Of course! I love my job
and.. Have you ever spoken to my boyfriend? Ah Mr. Reader, I am the luckiest
woman ever! :)
