I am happy Mr. Reader. Yes, I am. My boyfriend has told me
that if I repeat something to myself often enough, my brain will start believing
any crap I say to it. So well, best bet is to tell it that I am happy. But happiness has always been elusive, hasn’t
it Mr. Reader? There is always a little better to do, a little better to have.
Sometimes I feel that we all are just particles performing Brownian
travels inside a viscous fluid of emotions. You bump into other particles like yourself,
there are forces governing the macro statistics of the group like the economy,
the fed rate hikes, social rules etc. and there is yet your own individual path
too. You walk your path alone inside this maze of complex fabric of space, time
and emotions. You float in and out of the happiness fields, anger fields, all
the good thoughts and all the bad thoughts.
Well Mr. Reader as you can see I don’t really have a
concrete topic or event I want to write about this time. So pardon the jibber
jabber. It’s just, well it was never about you Mr. Reader anyway. I write to
expel and dish out over flowing thoughts on top of my head. Right now, suddenly
my life has stabilized. I have set into a routine, a routine challenging enough
every day and yet comforting enough with its repetitiveness. I have a job now
Mr. Reader. And I have a boyfriend too, actually my lovely ex back in my life.
You know what Mr. Reader I have struggled too bad to have just this right mix
of life. Life is in the goldilocks stage for me, touch wood. Of course there is no reason for me to be complacent;
I am just a novice beginner anyway...
Being in a long distance relationship gives you a good
amount of time to think and reflect every day. You learn to embrace your
individuality, get comfortable under your own skin and learn to keep yourself
happy and entertained. Being a good girlfriend is an uphill task mind you. I
have realized that I cannot make him the commander of my happiness, it’s a
burden enough to manage one’s own happiness as it is, I can’t guilt trip him to
always all thetime look after mine too! I think girls love to nag, I know I do!
I love to complain to him about everything under the sun and I love to be
served happiness on a platter by him. Maybe it’s evolutionary I don’t know –
but I swear there is SO MUCH fun in nagging him. But being a good girlfriend
means to drop out nagging, and also not being possessive, and not being jealous,
oh the list is never ending. Urgh!
Everyday before sleeping, I dissect my various thoughts and
struggle to keep myself functional and promise myself that I am happy.
Sometimes science helps. Isn’t it amazing how much we have discovered about our
universe and how little things have changed on the ground level? We can now explain
so many scientific mysteries and yet we are still cocooned under the very same
old pursuits of love, happiness and power. I will leave you Mr. Reader with
some grappling thoughts, every day science really that I use to escape from the
constant cycle of pain and pleasure that my neurons engage in as part of
keeping me alive:
* Remember as kids we fantasized about stars, about fairies
who lived up in the sky on one of your favorite twinkling diamond stars? Well
guess what? You already do live in the sky. Your planet is just a similar
heavenly body, twinking just as pretty in the night on some Martian’s horizon.
You live in the stars too! You have already touched someone else’s sky!
* We are all fully capable of handling pressure, we are
creatures of evolution. We are all part of the great lineage of survivors. Our
genes have survived a few ice ages, meteor attacks, Cambrian explosion, and
biological arms race. Our genes were once part of horrific and merciless Nature,
we have evolved from gigantic sea monsters and killer land predators. Homo
sapiens sapiens were once one of the most vulnerable preys. Imagine the time
before even stone age, before they even thought about fire or weapons, how in
the freaking hell did we ever survive even an hour on planet earth some many
thousands of years ago? Life in the jungle? No medicines? No house? No social
friends? No killer claws, nothing oh dear Lord, it’s almost as if the maths
doesn’t fit in! And yet it happened. We made it through that. So well if my
genes once survived through dinosaur attacks, I can surely survive a few
decades in office, can’t I?
* We are all freaking blind! Light is nothing more special
than other electromagnetic waves, it just so happened that evolution employed a
particular bandwidth to get ahead in the biological arms race of survival. It’s
just a photosensitive device, our eye! And our stupid brain creates an image
and fools us and makes us imagine all the literally colorful details. All our
everyday travel along the emotional dimension is just part of our brain’s
elaborate evolutionary gimmicks. Don’t let the everyday madness get the better
of you J
Oh yes, and the very last moral of the story- you are happy. Promise yourself
that every day J
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