Miles To Go

I have always loved to travel; haven’t you too Mr. Reader? It makes such a perfect getaway from the consuming routines. For a short while you can let go of everything that makes your everyday and instead escape into a different part of the world which thrives even when you turn your eyes the other way, some another part of the world-theatre where you can become the spectator instead of the cast. Is it not the best feeling to watch the world from the sidelines for a brief moment, to just feel the rhythm of time and watch it slip by as you lean against the window of a car that is moving you through the fabric of space and time to your chosen picnic destination?

You can choose to slack comfortably and rest your head upwards on the top of your car seat and decide to view the blue sky. Can you ever have enough of those cottony clouds? They are always a little different you know. Is there anything more humbling than to just look heavenwards, up the sky? To watch as the clouds furl on it, to feel its all encompassing vastness, to realize the inconsequential of a dust speck that we make on this tiny planet that is floating in the belly of the humongously outstretched monster of a universe?

If instead you prefer otherwise, you can sit up a bit straighter and turn your neck sideways. Then you can concentrate on the ever changing landscape, except ofcourse you wouldn't be able to exactly concentrate; for there is again so much to look there as well Mr. Reader! The distant peaks, the trees, the roads, the other cars! Here you may indeed find two very similar cars; the same color, the same brand. But the trees shall all be different. No two pines grow the same. You can also count. Sometimes I count the number of yellow cars I pass; or the number of vineyards I see (or quite simply since I read 'The curious incident of the dog in the night-time’ just the power series of 2.) Watching the earth instead of the sky can also give you a similar humbling experience I must assure you (although sky gazing retains my favorite spot)

Is there anything else you may add? Oh yes, good loud music is highly recommended and may be a complimentary book to spare occasional glances! There you go, name a problem that this little combo of activities doesn’t solve! And guess what, you also arrive at your chosen holiday spot by the end of this little journey! So, don’t you just love to travel Mr. Reader?  

A Loving Conspiracy

So what happens when you break away from everything you held dear, everything you took for granted all your life and choose to fly off on your own to a land far, far away? Sometimes in my lone vain moments, I fancy my life being pictured as an adventure saga; it always stars someone innocent, someone unaware of the greater realities of his/her Age; the story always starts with a peaceful beginning with just a skimping hint of the troubles to come; and then soon enough the hero/heroine is thrust headfirst into the dangerous escapades. I will tell you what; my hometown is a small, small place. I never even officially studied sex in my biology classes. And if it weren’t for the 5 or so pages in my history textbooks in my very last year at high school, I would have never even have heard of the world wars (I think the first time I realized that there were two of them was when I was 16)! Add to that the fact that I grew up in an extremely sheltered and pampered manner, and you can probably guess how good I fare in non-academic skills. I never liked any sports, was never required to be too neat and managed to get straight Ds in everything from sports to art classes.

The only good thing I did to secure my continual existence was to love math and books. Mathematics got me into IIT and books put a more balanced view of the world in my head (and also led to my sex education, but that’s a different story). Naturally I have grown into an introvert. I think it is also why I particularly enjoy writing my blog for it serves as a channel to vent out my feelings to a wider audience. I love my little monologues, Mr. Reader; it is so liberating to write to you, to speak freely of my mind, uninterrupted. Do you know, I often fear I am going to make a terrible wife, for I would want my man to patiently hear out every little thing in my head every single day, and there is always so much on my mind! He also has to be emotionally available at all times and engage in an intellectual SWOT analysis of every smallest thing that bothers me. He also has to pull off a hundred other herculean feats for that matter; well Mr. Reader let us steer away from this rather tempting topic.

I think love is a big conspiracy anyway, conjured probably by some aliens who also built our beloved pyramids (for it is such an unearthly concept). You just cannot win against it. Is human brain capable of constant co habitation with one single person for more than half of a lifetime? Is it natural to fall in love or is it something that young individuals mistake to be natural due to the social conditioning? I for one have concluded that the Middle Ages must take the blame. I guess life was tougher back then and it might have helped to segregate gender roles which further boiled down to reducing women as mere beauty trophies. I think the logic was rather simple, men do the worldly hardships and women get to be their prize. Women were almost effectively bartering their beauty for their economic prosperity. And because women were denied any other means of survival than to depend on the men, the act of marriage had to be divinified. A cult had to grow around marriage, to ensure that men continued to shelter the wife. For if not for a moral doctrine of love, why would a wise man continue to accommodate the same woman all his life? Women evolved to nag, to flirt and learnt ever new clever means to keep a man in the palm of their hands. Also a flourishing marriage must have developed as a status symbol for the men to mark their continued worldly conquests. Only the best of the men could decorate their wives with the best of the diamonds. In turn developed the women’s diamond fetishes! Little girls were brought up to love beautiful dresses and expensive jewelry for if those things were not to interest them how else could they live through a long, dull life of little intellectual quirks?

I think for this matter all human emotions may have been our specie’s response to the evolutionary battle against existential survival. Why must a grown adult woman who just delivered a child continue to nourish the babe? Well for love ofcourse. But then because human love is much more mature than that of other species, it ensures that the child cares for the mother when she grows to be more fragile in turn. What about the father? A male cat does not care for the baby kittens, I suppose? But neither is the female cat constrained against pursuing her own independent survival and hence no concept of a marriage in the cats! Also why the greater part of the animal kingdom has so many of these ‘animal spirits’. The fitter creature survives the day. Ofcourse maternal love is so essential that it has been ingrained in even non-human genes. And hence why, mothers have so often found themselves being more glorified than their male counterparts. I think parental love comes so much more naturally to women. 

I recently finished reading the novel 'The Memory Keeper's Daughter'. It is such a tragic story- a girl is born to a couple with Down Syndrome and the father decides to give away the newborn. He does get affected by the guilt ofcourse and that's what the rest of the story is about but well could I ever imagine a mother doing the same in the first place?

 Now that’s for the love. What about other countless human feelings- mirth, despair etc? When I get rejected in the interviews it so naturally makes me feel sad, I think it’s the worst feeling ever. I think I hate interviews. I think I hate placements. I think I hate anything remotely to do with the placements. But well, if a strong reaction were not to be triggered in my brain, why in the world would I continue my job search? I must feel pain when all those things that can negatively affect my chances of survival occur. May be that also explains the intense emotional upheaval felt during break ups (for prospect of good marriage and life extension program are linked too after all).

Well, so where did I start? Ah yes what happens when you pack off to a kingdom far, far way? May be a fairy tale does not follow. May be you struggle a bit, may be you also fail a lot but most importantly it can make you think a lot; kind of cool, like some soul searching experience, but mostly it can make you think of elaborate explanations of how you feel going through what feels to me like an extended 2 year placement semester!  

A Short Love Story

I got up fashionably late today, befitting a lazy Sunday in the very beginning of Holidays. It was a nice afternoon, warm and pleasant. Ah, if only I had a boyfriend to tell that to! I fancied a quick dramatic scene of how I would have complained to a boyfriend what glorious day it was today and how it deserved to be well spent; how I would have nagged to take me to a movie or a fancy restaurant. He would have grimaced at first I imagined and then I would have put on my best big-eyed-innocent-little-girl-face, maybe I would have shed a tear or two suitably to seal the final plan of a movie and a dinner. Tearing away from the wonderful fantasy I pulled myself up from the bed and started to get dressed for the day.

I am almost alone now at HEC campus, most of my friends have left for their homes but I have decided to stay back in Paris. Having a full half Sunday to spend, I started making a mental note of things I could do today as I was getting ready. And then suddenly, I remembered of ‘that place’. I had researched well about ‘that place’ over the internet about a month back and today seemed a perfect time to try it. I got so excited that I applied an extra finish of mascara, fixed my hair in my favorite high pony-tail, put on a fancifully cut dress and my winter coat and I was already locking my door shut.

HEC campus is a bit far off from the main-town Paris; it takes almost an hour to get to its more glamorous spots. Well to give you an early lead Mr. Reader, in truth I longed to get a date. Of all places Paris is the worst place to be single in! For it is just ever so romantic, every so wonderful, and the French have kept the city so singularly stunning that you find yourself wishing for a lover to share it with; Paris is just too much of happiness to behold all by yourself! Well ‘this place’ was apparently a very popular ‘pick-up place’, you could find yourself just any kind of companion you wanted on a day. Sitting on the metro train, I started contemplating my mood and how I would want my ‘date’ to be (let’s call my date as D for convenience); Humorous? Philosophical? Mysterious? Bold? Foreign? Older? Slim? Oh I just couldn’t decide, not without seeing them first anyways. I knew that I would instinctively know that I had found the perfect match when I would come across my D.

I got off the metro at the right station and pored over my iPhone maps for the exact direction. Some French Rue de La blah blah blah it said, damn these French names, so hard to say, it gets even awkward to ask for directions without making a fool out of yourself. After going round in circles and finally realizing that I was passing over the same pubs, I pulled myself together and did the brave thing- ask for help! Turned out that ‘the place’ was just over two blocks from where I was standing! Feeling stupid yet grateful I quickly made towards it! And there it was! Finally! After months of contemplating, here I was! Like all other places in Paris this one was exquisite too! I thoroughly congratulated myself of having decided to pay it a visit on this wonderful Sunday!

As I pushed open the door, I found myself staring at the most generously splendid place ever! The place itself was done in a classic style, many paintings adorned the walls. There was also a piano on the first floor. It was crowded too. But none of it I caught at my first sight; at first sight I was sinking in the sight of gloriously beautiful companions I could choose from. They were so many of them, and thank God finally they were all English! No more damned French with their tongue twisting French names and incomprehensible French talks. Finally, I felt like I was home!  I started moving around lustily, it was speed dating. Snap judgments and a quick 5 minutes later, I was moving over to a next one. Round and round I went about for almost an hour and half. You see, as I had started quite late this day, time was running out fast. As they say 23^rd time is a charm, and just as I had made the premonition before, I knew that I had at long last, found my D!

As I was leaving ‘the place’ with my D, it began to rain! How romantic, I mused to myself and decided that there could be no better time for a quick dash at a nearby café. The café was cozy too and I went in with my D. There was a good music playing in the background, such perfect settings! The food was nice too, and D and I had clicked already! D was charming, aren’t they all in the beginnings? D was an old soul and I guessed that half the world must have had fallen for him already, and yet here I was treasuring D already, completely oblivious to anyone else. We lingered in the café for almost an hour past the dinner; it was just so thrilling to rest my hands around D. The romance continued in the metro, on the way back to my room. I had eyes for no one but D; D was simply enchanting!

Holding D in my hands I opened the door to my room. D waited for me on the chair. I was so happy, ah I cannot tell Mr. Reader, how much! I put on my favorite playlist to add to the mood and quickly changed. And then I was ready, ready for my D, ready to uncover some exciting secrets. I wasted no time to move to the bed. I knew there was nothing else I wanted in that moment but my D. The initial romance had already been setup, the preliminary introductions already done; the main course was now underway. Layer by layer I began to bare all that D had to offer. D was now filling me in with the most inexplicably relishing thrills. The more I tried to take control the more intriguing D turned; there was no telling what D would do next. I was thoroughly enthralled and D was now ruling all of my senses. Time slipped fast and I never gathered by how much. D was playful and made me giggle every now and then. D showed me joys like I had never felt before, it was almost a torture to go on like this, and the excitement was too much to hold in longer. And then quite suddenly D climaxed into the end. What followed was the single most peaceful bliss, such calming content; I could listen to my quivering poor heart. It felt like coming back to reality from a different world, slowly consolidating the memories to be locked away in the heart forever and ever to relish.

Allow me to lift the veil off my D for you Mr. Reader- D was a book, ‘Uncle Fred in the Springtime by P.G. Wodehouse’ that I ‘picked up’ today, from an apparently popular ‘fully English’ bookstore in Paris- Shakespeare and Company! :D

Pray tell me

Did you feel it too, my Love,

The galloping of a little poor heart?

Its joyous thumping when you laugh,

Or it choking pang as you part?

Does your world twinkle too, my Dear,

From that sweetest day you held my hand in yours?

Does love brew you magic so queer,

That you know no charm, no man got any cures?

Does your daylight burst into a thrilling rainbow?

Does the night fetch you a tingling mirth?

Do the winds sing you sonnets as you drink on moon’s halo?

Has your soul stirred like your life has witnessed a re-birth?

For your love cruises such passion in my blood

My fears, tears lay nipped in the bud,

Pray tell me my Love, my Angel divine,

If I rule your heartland, as you rule mine?

Being wuman

Being a woman is beautiful, endearing even almost exquisite. It symbolizes grace, style, love, vanity, tolerance, innocence, subtlety, weakness and strength all at the same time. Are we better than men? Yes, no, may be, depends. But we are different, for sure. Centuries of history have shaped these differences. The times were almost always never by our side, we were debased, molested, ridiculed, used, objectified and also yet pampered, protected and celebrated by the men. They even fought battles over us. Well, they owned us, loved us and disposed us off at their whims! The times are better now, countless noble men and women having fought for us.

These are some interesting times now to be a woman. Our hopes are soaring, our dreams are turning real, and our freedom is growing. It is still a man’s world though I guess, but we now have many paths at our disposal to make our way through it. Being a woman today is being a part of a legacy, like we were bestowed with a prestigious inheritance and it is upon us now to carry on the journey. This journey demands inspired heroines and in this blog, I am going to tell you of my favorite heroines who most inspire an inspiration to me!

(Not particularly arranged by rank)

#1 Queen Elizabeth I: The regal Queen, the woman who inspired a nation, famed for as much her beauty as her intelligence, a political genius, oh what goodness did she have not? Everyone believed it was impossible for a woman to rule England without taking a husband or without producing male heirs, but she proved them all wrong! Daughter of another feminist heroine Anne Boleyn and King Henry 8, she was indeed a child of her parents, as much a beautiful Queen as Anne and as much a glorious King as Henry! She is an epitome of female success and shall always remain an endearing beacon of hope to all the womenfolk.

#2 Serena Williams: Another Queen of another province! Her confidence, stamina, grit is unnerving. True, the current women’s tennis is not as interesting as the men’s and most female players have a far more erratic performance than their male counterparts, but so what? Serena is wonderful and that's that!

#3 Sidney Sheldon heroines: God they are so strong! They are smart and bold, passionate and glamorous. They fight their fates, they survive their fates, they even turn their fates and they outlive their enemies. They achieve fame and they take losses in their stride, oh well they are all just so super cool!

# 4 Hermione Granger: Of course her! Why, she inspired me all my growing up years after all. Secretly I always imagined myself as Hermoine (haven’t met a girl who didn’t!). She is the perfect student, perfect best friend, perfect girlfriend and also manages to marry her man and have kids with him. She is brave, just, humble and is basically almost always right! She is the alpha woman who has it all! If only the muggle world could make more Hermoines!

These are all just some sample examples and all celebrities- there are countless women who inspire me everyday, who are around me and are part of my life. My friends and peers, I have been lucky to meet some extra ordinary ladies! There's hope for the future, aint' there, Mr Reader? :)

A 50-50 Life

How do you live your life when half the things happening to you are not in your control? Must you still dream, believe and plan or should you rather resort to indifference? What is growing up after all? I guess it is learning to survive Life, irrespective of what happens to you and what you make happen.

Must you give up on the quest for Mr/ Miss Right because of a string of terrible partners? Must you ridicule Disney World and slam it off as a mere childhood fantasy?  Must you lower your ambitions in the face of a continued onslaught of failures? Must you refuse to rest any faith anymore in the goodness in the world?

I don’t believe in leading a sad life, I cry so much when something big goes wrong that I soon get fed up of my own tears and quickly move on; quickly move on remending my mistakes, amending plans and lusting for a new aim, a different aim, a higher aim or a more challenging path to get the same thing just gone wrong. I have wasted a good amount of my life mourning losses and by now, well I no more tolerate the mourning period. You choose your aim, take an aim and then you shoot! If it doesn’t hit the target, well you shoot again, if you don’t hit it after 5 more tries you change your bows and shoot again. Some fine day, Life takes mercy on you and your arrow hits the bull’s eye! There are no failures on the roadway to success; every failure is a success in knowing what not to do. If everything else fails, you at least succeed in growing up.

Can I give you a quick tip, Mr. Reader? Learn to love yourself! Be there for yourself through all your thicks and thins. Understand that Life is a 50-50 partnership between you and God. Yearn to give the whole of your half, and learn to graciously accept whatever comes from the other half. Sometimes the other half is predatory and takes away more than you gave, leaving you miserable. Sometimes it is so overwhelmingly positive that it covers up for all of your sluggishness. To quantize it, both your and destiny’s efforts can range from (-∞, +∞). If you ensure your side is always a + ∞, you always know the downside can never be net negative. Well, don’t go into the mathematics of Limits though; I know it’s a rather crude analogy! Is there a logic to Destiny’s number? Is there a probability distribution it follows? But I know for sure that it is the same shape for every one of us, but just that the observed value is different for everyone in a particular event and hence the different conceived share of luck. Also, you must realize that your half and Destiny’s half are not independent variables. I guess you can as much as affect the parameters of the probability distribution of Destiny’s half!

 But the point is, learn to go easy on yourself. Even how much you will want to contribute, how hard you shall work is also ultimately controlled by the will of God. We are all here to serve some purpose in the big world, a piece of a giant jig saw puzzle that God toys with. Don’t smirk on your efforts or feel bad about the lack of them. It’s okay, let it be, you are a mere insignificant instrument in the hands of God. Just love yourself, like Karina Kapoor says in Jab We Met “Mein apni favorite hu!”  

Also, lastly, live your life! Don’t lose emotions, it would be as terrible as losing your soul, like being kissed by a Dementor! Don’t lose hopes in the dreams you hold dear. Weep if you must. Laugh if you can. You are a human, you were born out of love, you deserve to be loved. Give your best to the world, be kind and forgiving. I am sure the mean of the distribution of what the world throws back at you is a net positive number!

Paris Diaries

I am so overwhelmed, Mr. Reader! It’s just so beautiful here at HEC! And it’s so quiet, so quiet indeed! The campus is far away from the mainland Paris and has got such dense woods and such large fields around, complete with a lake. I chose HEC primarily because it has its own campus (and ofcourse the ranking), and I must say the campus has come true to my every expectation; it was love- at-first-sight with my room, the classrooms and even the mess-cafeteria!  Ofcourse the food is horrible though; well if you can even call it food in the first place! Plus, I am a vegetarian, so I am reduced to just choosing between salads and fruits. Blimey! I am a vegetarian, not a cow!

There are some Indians around and we hang out together all the time. I have also met so many more people from so many different places on the globe. We have such an eclectic mix of backgrounds in the class- there are law undergrads and finance bachelors, Egyptians and Americans, traders and investment bankers. Suddenly I have become so conscious about my heritage and  also so consciously proud of it; I am loving the Bollywood songs almost fiercely here, like I were trying to desperately hold on to a shred of connection with my upbringing.

I am so nervous, Mr. Reader. Nothing in my life has prepared me for my life here. It’s very competitive but excelling in academics is no longer adequate. You have to “network” and pretend to be calm and relaxed when talking to burly 6 feet 5 inch European men, like all your life that’s all what you have been doing. People talk about politics and tax rates; when I say I am from India they discuss the falling Indian rupee with me (that ofcourse has never been my opening lines with friends ever before, never even the subject matter really!)

I can go on and on- the co-ed hostels, the drinking parties, the short skirts. That’s not exactly scary but just so new for me. I wear skirts too and I absolutely love to put them on- so that’s one good thing about Paris, I feel so free, it’s so liberating! I wish India bettered it’s sorry state for the women. I don’t drink and sometimes I panic with the liberal amount of drinking endorsed here.

The French are so polite and use oh-so-much French! Even my bank account documents are all in French! Did I tell you Mr. Reader that I had tried taking a French course in Aurangabad for last two months? Well, I realise now I don’t understand one word of this French version of French and I feel completely lost in this regard as well.

One adjective if I have to give to everything- exciting! Well Mr. Reader au revoir for now. Time for a skype call to mom!